I Interview Self-Help Author, Life Coach, & Speaker, Laura Juntunen – Self-Sabotage, Me Time, Her New Book & more

Interviews, Self-Help

Hello! And welcome back to Lost Online Blog!

I’m incredibly excited to share this week’s blog post with you because this week I’m interviewing life coach, speaker, and new self-help author of “Happiless Chokelist,” Laura Juntunen!

I met Laura one weekend while attending a mastermind event in Tampa organized by my business coach, Jessica Stadler. I was super nervous going into it and showed up not knowing what this weekend had in store for me. Laura was one of the first people to talk to me and make me feel welcome. I had heard in passing that she was a new author, but didn’t know much about her besides that.

Then, once all the girls arrived and the mastermind began, we all went around in a circle and talked about ourselves – what we do, what type of business we have OR want to have, what our dreams are for the future, etc. Laura was the first person to introduce herself.

She shared with all of us that she was a new self-help author, blogger, speaker, health coach turned life coach, and that her dream was to travel around America with her boyfriend in an RV and see all of the national parks and landmarks. She also shared that not too long ago she left her job to pursue blogging, speaking, writing, and coaching.

If you’re a reader of mine and know me well, you could imagine that I was in complete shock! My biggest dream in life is to become a self-help author, speaker, and blogger; I left my job this year to hopefully make that a reality; I’m a new health coach; and at the very top of my bucket list is to travel around America in an RV to see all the national parks and landmarks. It was like I could hear the Twilight Zone music playing in my head.

There I was sitting three feet away from another woman who was just like me! AND she lives in the Tampa area!!! What?

Laura was one of the reasons why I left that mastermind event in the best headspace I had been in for all of 2019. I no longer felt like I was this super weird person for pursuing health coaching, writing, and speaking or because one of my dreams is to travel around America. I now had a completely new perspective on life and those “dreams” that I always had finally felt possible. 

Before the mastermind, I didn’t know anyone who was like me, so I thought that I was strange and “unrealistic” for wanting those things. It felt very isolating and lonely. Not many people leave their job to write self-help content for a living or coach people. You know what I mean?

Since meeting Laura, I’ve officially launched my business, created my new Health Coaching page for you, created a new program that I’ll be offering to clients, developed a coaching challenge to kick off the start of my business, and started working on my first ebook. I can say confidently it was because of her. Knowing that there’s a normal person out there (not a celebrity or New York Times Best-Selling Author) who’s just like me and living her dream is what gave me the courage and the motivation I needed to get back to work.

Laura’s presence alone is inspiring to me, and I hope that today, her words will inspire you too.

So without further ado, here is my latest girl crush –

life coach, speaker, and author,

Laura Juntunen.

Happiless Chokelist

Heather: First of all, I just wanted to say thank you so much for coming onto Lost Online and doing an interview! As someone who is also a coach and a self-help writer I literally could not be more thrilled to be able to interview you (:

Laura: Thank you so much for asking me to do this interview – super exciting!

Q: Of course, we have to start out talking about your new book! You just published your very first book “Happiless Chokelist” in November. I know a lot about your book from from reading it and hearing you talk about it. But for those people who are just learning about Happiless Chokelist for the first time, can you share a little bit about the book? 

A: Happiless Chokelist is a self-help book which leads you to break through barriers, gain the clarity that you lack, and move forward in life. All of this is done in the hopes that you find your true happiness. In the book, I lay out a five step process which leads you to learn about the situations in your life in a way that makes them manageable and lets you move past them.

Q: Can you share a little bit about your story and what ended up planting the seed for the Happiless Chokelist in your mind?

A: The Happiless Chokelist is a process that actually came up by accident. I had a lot of barriers in my way that I did not know how to navigate. Slowly, I started to get rid of the negative issues in my life, one by one, and years later, I found a distinct pattern. I had eliminated negative issues by trial and error; however, there were five distinct steps that I had taken over and over again. I tried out the process with some clients and it worked for them too, so I developed a coaching process and eventually this book, so that I could help more people. The name is a play off of how I would feel like I was “choking” when I was facing obstacles, along with the idea that instead of a happiness checklist, we are diving into eliminating the “Chokes,” or the negative; hence, HappiLess ChOKElist. I love punny titles. 😉

Q: How has this material you discuss in your book, like creating your own Happiless Chokelist and working through each Choke, benefited you in your own life? How is your life different now?

A: I use the Chokelist every single day. The process is so simple and efficient, that when you get the hang of it, it becomes a way of life rather than a burden or a “job,” like many other processes can feel. Through using this process I have been able to quit my full-time job to pursue life coaching full-time, I wrote a book in four months, and I am working on a journal to accompany the book (which will be coming out early 2020). On top of my business development, I also have made great strides in my personal life.

Q: What do you think is unique about your message and book that stands out among the others? I’ve noticed that most people who don’t believe in self-help material often tend to think that it’s all the same message.

A: What stands out the most with the Happiless Chokelist process is that it not only tells you how to get through your barriers, but it also tells you how to maintain that forward momentum. One of the reasons people “fail” when it comes to self-help is that they read a book or try out a process and they don’t continue using it; they start and stop, start and stop, etc. If you have a way to make it a continuous evolution, it will not only help you resolve any issues you have, but it will make sure you continue to do so. The Happiless Chokelist process does this.

Q: I recently wrote a blog post all about my experience with people telling me what I was “supposed to” do, so I was super interested when you talked about this concept in your book. Can you explain what a “supposed to” kid is like and how being a “supposed to” kid affects us?

A: A “supposed to” kid is someone who was brought up believing that they had to do certain things in order to be happy and/or successful. It is something that can be ingrained in your subconscious without you even realizing it. These beliefs can be placed on you by your parents, teachers, mentors, and, most commonly, society and/or the idea that you have to “fit in.” When we are told that we have to do certain things to be successful, we think that there is no other way to gain that success. Here’s a common example: My high school teachers said I have to go to college to get a high-paying job, so if I don’t go to college, I won’t make any money. Not only does this person believe that they have to go to college, but they also believe that if they don’t go to college they won’t make any money. College = High paying job = No other career avenue will bring wealth. Little ideas that we hear as a child can make huge consequences. It is essential that you reevaluate your beliefs and make sure that they are legitimate. Isn’t it true that people can make plenty of money and find success without going to college? Yes. That belief system could be keeping you from creating something extraordinary. 

Q: What would you suggest to Lost Online readers for breaking free from societal pressures about what we’re “supposed to” do?

A: Understand that in most cases it is fear that is holding you back. We do what we’re “supposed to” do because we “know” that it will bring us success. We “know” that we can succeed like everyone else which means we are safe. However, there are plenty of people who have lived the “supposed to” life since they were born and are kicking themselves because they didn’t take risks, go on the adventure, or pursue the dream, all because they were “supposed to” do the safe, responsible thing. They ended up living in regret of what they wished they had pursued. So, if you have a choice to pursue life, why not do it? I’m not saying to quit your day job to travel the world, but I am saying to start working towards that dream. Start pursuing the things that you love, bring you joy, and bring you happiness. Tell society that you are stronger and more capable than it gives you credit for. Take the leap or, at least, that first step.

Following Your Passion

Q: So I’m super curious, most people don’t just fall into being a self-help author! How did you know that you were passionate about writing and self-help?

A: I have always wanted to be an author. As a kid I would write and tell stories, and I loved the idea of reading and writing for a living. I am a bookworm. However, as I was growing up I was told that I would not be able to make a living as an author. I was told that I was “supposed to” get a safe job in this economy and world that we live in, and writing was not “safe.” I went all through high school and college believing that I was not supposed to be a writer because it wasn’t safe. Well, I then realized this limiting belief inside myself and said, screw it, I am going to pursue this passion. If it works, it works; if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. I’m glad I decided to pursue this dream because those limiting beliefs were definitely wrong!

Q: I’m sure leaving your job to become a life coach, speaker, and author had to be scary! What gave you the courage to leave the 9-5 life behind and pursue your dream career?

A: It was terrifying. Going from a steady job with a safe income to the completely unknown was one of the scariest things I have ever done. However, I gained the courage I needed through a simple practice, which you can do right now: Imagine your life ten years down the road. Visualizing that future self, will you regret not pursuing your dream? When I thought about my life ten years down the road, I knew that I needed to pursue my life coaching business full-time. If I didn’t pursue it now, I would regret it later on. I made the decision quickly, but it took a full year to finally make the transition. Being prepared for the transition was essential. I would not change anything.

Q: What keeps you motivated even on the days when you feel like things are moving slower than you want it to and you’re having doubts?

A: Every day I struggle with something; I’m human. So are you! I think that’s the biggest issues; people think that it’s easy for everyone but themselves. But it’s difficult for everyone. When I feel like things are moving too slowly in my business or when doubts spring up, because they do often, I take myself out of the work zone. I do something completely off of my schedule; I go rollerblading or to the gym, I read a fun book or I play with my pet bunnies. I get out of my own head and step away from the doubt and fears. Taking myself out of that mindset creates space for me to see what the reality is: I’m running a business, it is not going to be easy all the time, and all I have to do is trust that what I am doing is enough.

Self-Help

Q: I know that even as a coach and self-help help writer, you’re not immune to limiting beliefs, self-doubt, and personal challenges – we’re all human! Do you have practices that you put in place to make sure that those “Chokes” as you call them, don’t come back around. Maybe a routine or practice that helps you stay aligned?

A: I think it’s very ironic that you wrote “we’re all human” and I also used that phrase in the answer to my your last question – great minds think alike! Haha! But yes, there are things that you can do to make sure you are staying aligned with your goals. Through the Happiless Chokelist process I have a strategy I use for all of my Chokes in order to keep them from resurfacing and I teach this strategy to the reader. However, something I also do that is not in the book is my daily #metime. In order to stay on top of my life, business, relationships, etc. I make sure to spend quality time with ME, every single day. I have a morning routine that I do not skip, I also make sure to spend time doing the things that bring me joy and happiness, again, daily! No matter what the world is throwing at you, if you actively pursue doing something for your happiness every single day, you will be able to stay on top of the Chokes that want to sneak back into your life.

Q: The last time we met, you shared with me that you also struggle with self-sabotage, which is something my readers struggle with too. What ways do you self-sabotage and how have you managed them?

A: Self-sabotage is a struggle that many people deal with and it can be difficult to overcome this Choke because your internal dialogue is usually the culprit. I self-sabotage in the form of procrastination due to fear. When I find my fears creeping up, I stop all productivity. It’s kind of like I freeze and become paralyzed by fear. I manage this fear by talking it out with a coach, my boyfriend, another entrepreneur, or a friend. Many people hold these fears inside and psych themselves out, thinking that the fears are real. By speaking to people about it I am able to realize that the fears are not usually realistic and I can move past them. 

Q: During the Mastermind that we went to, we talked a lot about self-care and the importance of taking the time to fill yourself. And I know my readers have expressed to be their interested in learning more about self-care. Do you have any rituals or self-care practices that you like to incorporate in your life?

A: Like I mentioned before, I like to spend quality time with ME. My #metime is very important. Another self-care practice I incorporate in my life is to wake up before the sun. Yes, I know that sounds terrible to some; however, my early morning is Mine and I love it. My morning routine creates peace and quiet for me and grounds me. It causes my day to start on the right foot.

Q: Speaking of self-care, I’ve heard that your readers and clients call you the “Me Time Girl!” How did you become such a “Me Time” advocate?

A: I should read all of the questions before answering them haha! However, that just goes to show that this is SO TRUE! I am a huge advocate for #metime! When in doubt, do something for yourself. When you’re struggling, spend time in the quiet. When you are confused, pursue something for your soul. I’m not sure what initially prompted me to dedicate a huge part of my life to Me, but it could be partially because I was raised in a home with six kids. I felt like I didn’t have time to myself very often and would strive to find it – I guess I never stopped pursuing the quiet!

Q: Why do you feel like “Me Time” is so important for our daily routine?

A: Without #metime I am distracted, indecisive, and I tend to self-sabotage much more frequently. I take the time to ground myself so that I can move forward in all other areas of life. Some things I hear a lot: “I don’t have time for me time,” “I could never wake up earlier than I already do,” and “I don’t need that.” Okay, rethink this one: If you aren’t taking time for yourself, you will never be able to be the best you for anyone else. If you want to be there for your kids, spouse, family, and friends, then you should be taking time to reset, recharge, and recalibrate. You need to dedicate time to yourself in order to give time to others. You can make the time, you can wake up 5-10 minutes earlier, and you do need to start making time for you. Give it a try! 

Q: Were there any books, blogs, or podcasts that inspired change in your life and helped you become the person you are today?

A: I am a bookworm and I started my entire personal development and self-help career because of the books that I read. Some of my favorites: “Unshakeable” by Tony Robbins, “Grit” by Angela Duckworth, “High Performance Habits” by Brendon Burchard, “Start With Why” by Simon Sinek, and anything by Erwin McManus, Jen Sincero, or Rachel Hollis. Here are two of my favorite books that aren’t exactly self-help genre, but left an impression: “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed and “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. I am also in love with autobiographies! I read any and all autobiographies because you can learn something from everyone. Everyone has a story and knowledge to share. Hint: listen to these books! Most autobiographies are voiced by the author and make a much bigger impact because you can visualize them speaking to you. This is my go-to when going running or taking a long walk.

Q: If you could give any piece of advice to your younger self, what would it be?

A: I would tell the younger me: Stop worrying so much. It’ll work out. The more you fret, the more distress you cause yourself. Go with your gut and stop thinking about all of the possible ways that you can fail – you won’t!

Manifestation

Q: After talking with you in our book club and at the Mastermind we went to, I learned that you’re also a believer in the Law of Attraction! You even had your own experience where your visualization from the last Mastermind event came true! Could you share your visualization story with Lost Online readers?

A: Yes, I have had success with visualization! I will say that I am still new to manifestation and meditation, but since I have seen what it can do, I have started practicing much more frequently, in all areas of life. My greatest success started when I went to a mastermind event in Tampa in July 2019. When we went through the visualization practice I had a “vision” that blew my mind. I had gone to the event thinking that it would help me with my business but I didn’t really know what to expect and I was open to all possibilities. Through this visualization practice I saw myself as a public speaker, specifically speaking about the book I had just written. When we finished the visualization practice I sat up and got so confused. Yes, I had wanted to write a book, but I had never known what I wanted it to be about. Plus, I had never thought about speaking about this future book in a public setting. My brain whirled and I realized the potential. I went home after that mastermind determined to make this happen. Four months later, my book was written, self-edited, and self-published. I then started booking speaking events. It is all very surreal to me, but I am definitely a believer in the law of attraction now!

Q: From reading your blog, I was able to learn about this new visualization from this Mastermind that you have for your life. Can you share about that epic adventure you want to take?

A: Yes! Four months after I went to the first mastermind event I had accomplished so much that I knew that I needed to attend the event again. Early this November 2019, I went back to this event without expectation and I knew that if I pressured my mind it wouldn’t give me what I wanted, which was another vision of what my life would become, of course. I went into the visualization with an open mind and no agenda. To my horror, I did not see a future filled with speaking events and networking, but I saw a season of relaxation and restoration. The meditation practice ended and I got so upset – I had not seen my business-building future than I wanted. After speaking with some fellow attendees, I realized that my visualization was not what I expected, but it was exactly what I needed. I had been going 200% for four months getting my book done and my body was ready for rest. My body and mind were telling me that I needed to pursue a long held dream of mine: to live in an RV and travel across the country. I saw myself pursuing my speaking career while living in an RV with my family. What’s crazy is that this has been a goal of ours for the last few years, but now, after the whole book-writing visualization, I now know that this is entirely possible, even within the next four months! What?! So cool!

Q: What does your visualization and manifestation practice look like at home?

A: Currently I am implementing daily meditation in my morning routine. I practice with scripted meditations which are centered around visualizations and manifesting your dreams. I try and do at least 10 minutes in the morning and then again in the evening, but I frequently do more than 10 minutes in the morning. Once I get started, I enjoy staying in that zone / mindset. I have also always journaled and I am starting to use journaling as a part of my manifestation practice.

Online

Q: At the very end of my interviews, I like to touch a bit on technology and social media since it’s such a big part of our lives and something that the vast majority of us struggle with. With our heavy social media and technology use today, have you ever felt pressure for likes, engagement, or recognition online? What has your experience been with social media?

A: I am on social media, but I do not enjoy it all the time. I do not necessarily feel pressured to gain likes and comments, rather I feel pressure to stay present on social media. Society tells us that we are “supposed to” be interactive on social media all the time, especially if you run an online business; however, that is not a requirement. I have had a positive experience on social media overall; I have learned how to balance social media in my life and business, which has been helpful.

Q: As a writer, blogger, virtual coach, YouTuber, and new author trying to build an influence, I’m sure most of your work has to be done in front of a screen. What do you do to create balance in your life when we spend so much time online now?

A: Balance takes time and commitment. I have learned how to take time away from social media every day and I make sure to take a whole day away from my phone once a week. Detaching from my phone and from social media is so rejuvenating. It takes time and commitment because we have been programmed to mindlessly scroll on social media. To avoid scrolling while working, I set a timer to get tasks done quickly. I like to chunk my tasks into small time frames to ensure I get them done quickly, especially when it comes to social media tasks.

Q: Before we head out, where can people find you? (IG, website, youtube, Amazon, etc.)

A: My book, Happiless Chokelist, can be found on Amazon. I am most active on Instagram @LauraJayLive; that’s where you’ll see me and my fur-babies most often! All of my social media links are in my Instagram bio! You can subscribe to my newsletters through my website, LauraJayLive.com! As well a YouTube, Facebook, or my Facebook Group.

Thanks for coming to Lost Online!

As always, thanks for coming to Lost Online and I hope you enjoyed this interview with Laura Juntunen, author of “Happliess Chokelist“! If you’re considering reading it yourself, I highly recommend it. I started reading it and found it super straight forward, entertaining, and easy to read.

Don’t forget to comment your thoughts below! What part of this interview stuck out the most to you? Did you resonate with anything Laura shared? Can you think of some “Chokes” that you already notice in your life that’s preventing you from following a dream or being happy? What are they? 

If you like what you read here, remember to go down to the bottom of the page, click that “+” symbol, and type in your email where it says “follow blog via email.” You’ll have all future blog posts sent right to you! Thanks for coming to Lost Online! 

Photos by Ray Reyes @rocketsciencephoto.

Announcement: I’m Seeing a Therapist + How I Discovered I Had Depression & Why I’m THANKFUL For It

Announcements, Self-Help

This week’s blog post is a bit different for me. If you’ve read Lost Online for a while, then you’re probably familiar with the fact that’ll I’ll occasionally write about announcements in my life like starting at The Institute for Integrative Nutrition – but never have I shared an announcement THIS personal. 

I’ve debated about sharing this so many times with mental illness being such a sensitive and personal topic but finally decided that keeping this a secret wouldn’t feel authentic. Because I am so passionate about self-help and wellness I really feel called to share my decision with you about seeing a therapist. Keeping such a big decision private (as someone who preaches self-help and wellness each and every week) just isn’t me. I like being honest on my website, even if it’s not always the cool thing to do. 

Very recently, after realizing that I had depression which wasn’t planning on leaving my side anytime soon, I decided to start seeing a therapist. For the first time in my life, I didn’t just entertain the idea or talk about it. I finally picked up my phone, actually made a call, and booked my first ever therapy appointment – a huge step that I wasn’t sure I would ever take. Since that day I keep giving myself mental praise, “Hell yeah, I actually f*cking did it. I took the first freaking step!” It’s not very often I feel proud of myself, but today I am. Up until this point, the idea of seeing a therapist seemed as terrifying to me as much as swimming with a Great White shark. 

So I wanted to come here today, as I normally do, to talk about what prompted me to finally start seeing a therapist NOW in hopes that it will inspire someone else who may be going through something similar and just needs to hear that they’re not alone.

The Build-Up

It’s been nine months since I first moved to St. Petersburg, Fla. with my boyfriend Matt. I could still remember how excited and thrilled I was that I finally graduated from college and was about to start a life with my partner. It was such an exciting time, picking out the decor, signing a lease, grocery shopping together! I was finally growing up and I could not wait. My entire life I looked forward to the day when all this would happen – when my life would start, when I’d have someone to come home to, when I’d finally be FREE to live as I please. I know it sounds crazy, but I honestly thought that once I moved out and had my own place life would be WONDERFUL. It would be perfect. It would be filled with travel, love, beauty, money, friends, adventure, rainbows, and unicorns. LOL. That’s not what happened. 

Here’s what actually happened: Since I first moved to this coast to sunny St. Pete, nothing happened as I expected. There’s been so many big life changes, decisions, and challenges that I didn’t see coming for the life of me. For the first time ever I was in a new town trying to make a life for myself without family or school providing some structure and support. I was alone having to make friends as an adult (which is surprisingly difficult). I’ve tried so many times to make friends with people only to be canceled on and stood up again and again.

I had to get used to a whole other family that’s now in my life with their own opinions and oh so many expectations. I’ve had to deal with WAY more family drama than you would expect both in my family and Matt’s. I’ve been pressured into buying a house before I was ready, with NO ONE around me respecting my feelings. I then fell in love with a house and had that dream taken away after we discovered a disturbing termite infestation and had to resend our offer. 

I felt real financial stress for the first time. I’ve felt the pressure to find a job while being asked every single day, “So did you find a job yet? How’s the job hunt going?” (Apparently, when you are job hunting, it’s the only thing you’re allowed to discuss with people.) I’ve been spewed so much unwarranted advice about job hunting from people who haven’t looked for a job in 20 years. 

I then had months of sleepless nights struggling with the decision to leave my full-time job to pursue what I wanted. Then, I got let go from another job, followed by months of working at home from my kitchen counter leading to a very isolated lifestyle because there’s no “blogger office” you can go into to hang out with people.

That’s not even including the health problems, friend drama, and family issues that are way too private to share online. But the biggest challenge of all – I can’t make one decision in life without someone feeling the need to intervene and share their two cents with me. Wherever I want to live, whichever house I live in, whichever dog I get, SOMEONE has an issue with it. I really believed that once I was on my own that I would be magically liberated from the opinions and judgment of others.

If this is what everyone meant by, “Wait until you get into the real world,” I finally understand what they mean.

That transition period from college to adulthood is extremely overwhelming, and then you throw in health problems, a new city, a new family, and financial stress and it’s no wonder I’ve been so anxious and depressed over the last nine months. There’s been A LOT going on, and those are just the bullet points. 

It reminds me of a quote I just saw on Instagram today that said, “Being an adult is just saying, ‘But things will slow down a bit again’ to yourself until you die.” I think that sentence wraps up the last nine months of my life perfectly. 

How I Discovered That I Had Depression 

All of that brings me to these past few months when I’ve felt so low, so defeated, so disrespected, so helpless that I just felt like, “What’s the point?” “Why even get up early, get a bunch of work done when life keeps handing me one shit sandwich after another?”

My depression stayed while the excitement, motivation, and inspiration fell away. I ended up spending way too many days over the last few months in sweat pants, greasy hair, exhausted for no apparent reason, not feeling like myself at all. So many days I felt lazy, unmotivated with overwhelming sadness or sometimes not feeling anything at all. Sometimes even just getting out of bed in the morning felt like going to war. It seemed impossible. What’s worse is that staying in bed turned into a vicious cycle where I felt guilty and disgusted with myself for not working and getting more done.

Once I was up, I couldn’t even bring myself to take care of myself, do work, eat well, or go to the gym. Some days I would binge on junk food for comfort, other days I wouldn’t eat a thing. Because of how low I felt, I isolated myself more and would hardly leave the apartment. 

It was about nine months of lead up and slowly feeling worse and worse until one day I realized: I don’t think this is normal. This doesn’t seem to be one of my typical “ruts” that might last a few days. It seems more serious than that. 

But I still wasn’t 100% convinced that I was experiencing depression. I thought that in order to be depressed you had to have suicidal thoughts or actions, which I don’t. I still want to live and continue to grow, I still have hopes, dreams, and aspirations, but I still felt terrible and sad most days. So, I became more and more curious about whether or not that’s what I’ve been experiencing. 

This eventually led me to into a google-searching black hole one night. I started looking up articles about how to tell if you have depression and found a long collection of articles that all had similar titles. Most of them said, “30 symptoms of depression,” “20 ways to tell if you have depression,” “12 secret symptoms of depression,” “15 little known side effects of depression.” You get the idea. Well, it turns out, I had ALL of the symptoms and “secret” side effects of depression, aside from one – bed sores.

It turns out that I had depression all along, and just didn’t realize it. It wasn’t until I had every symptom and checked with Google before I finally realized that’s what was going on. It was difficult to finally admit to myself that that’s what I’m going through, especially being someone who’s so immersed in self-help and wellness. I would love nothing more than to “fix” myself and be a perfect, shiny, glimmering example of health, happiness, self-love, and positivity for you. It also was somewhat of a relief though, because there have been too many times when Matt asks me for the third time in one night, “What’s wrong?” Followed by me saying, “I’m tired,” because I honestly don’t know what to say. 

Finally Seeking Help

There have been many times I should have seen a therapist throughout my life, but I never went through with it. I was way too scared to finally take the leap and I had so many irrational fears about what might happen if I actually DID see a therapist. I was afraid of being labeled or being viewed as a freak who couldn’t get their life together. I was scared that I might hear people say to me, “What the f*ck would you have to be depressed about?” Especially if it was my family saying those things. It would make me feel so guilty when they’ve worked so hard to give me the life that I have now. Seeing a therapist seemed almost unfair or even wrong. However, what terrified me the most was the thought of sitting across from a stranger and crying for an hour about my deepest and most personal issues. The thought of that still makes me cringe.

Even though I know SO many people who see therapists and talk about how much it’s helped them through depression, anxiety, family problems, and trauma, I couldn’t bring myself to do it for the longest time. Which only meant that the longer I put it off, the more I built it up in my mind and the scarier it seemed. 

But now here I am, a self-help and wellness blogger that spends days experiencing overwhelming sadness and not being able to get out of bed. I’ve read all the books, listened to all the podcasts, tried all the supplements, adopted all of the self-care rituals, and here I am – experiencing depression. It was that thought that FINALLY made me pick up my phone one day and seek out a therapist. There comes a point when if you experience depression, you can’t leave it up to random authors to play the role of your therapist for you, you need to actually talk with someone. 

So here I am at the start of my own therapy journey and I just had my consultation appointment today (as I’m writing this). After making that initial phone call and setting up my appointment, my fears surprisingly went away and were replaced with an emotion that I was NOT at all expecting: excitement. It appears that all of the overthinking that I did about whether I should or shouldn’t see a therapist for years made that initial phone call scarier than actually sitting down with someone. 

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is the incredible amount of overthinking you’re doing with the problem. Let it go and be free.” – unknown

Viewing Depression in a Positive Light 

Now that I’m finally taking a leap of faith and moving forward with a therapist I’m feeling very hopeful about what’s to come. It’s allowed me to reflect on the last 9 months without being so triggered by it and think about the advice that I wish I could give myself when I first moved to St. Petersburg. I put together three main takeaways that I want to share with you today so that it may reach someone else who needs need to hear this too.

1. Life goes in phases

There will be moments when you feel on top of the world and there will be moments when you’re feeling down. You’ll have the best days of your life, but there will still be the worst days. But as much as it sucks when you’re hurting and life keeps kicking you when you’re down, those times are necessary. It would be impossible to feel on top of the world all the time or else you wouldn’t appreciate it. If everything went your way you wouldn’t realize how special it was and would take it for granted. 

That’s why it’s important to honor the highs and the lows equally. To feel happy and grateful when things are going well and to trust that everything is working in your greatest favor when they are not. 

2. It’s always darkest before dawn

Just as I shared in my latest blog post, “How to Recognize Universal Signs, things falling apart of “bad” things happening is a good thing. A lot of the time, it’s actually the universe working in your favor. I believe that many of the good things that happen to us would be brought into fruition without something falling apart. Just like how you wouldn’t have met your soulmate unless you broke up with that douchebag you used to date in college!

I’m going to go ahead and quote myself for a minute, in case you haven’t read the last blog post yet.

“We can’t expand, fulfill our purpose, or become our highest selves if everything is going well and if everything was EASY. We can’t continue to improve and learn important lessons if everything is rainbows and unicorns all the time. We’d be way too comfortable. And if there’s one thing that I know in this world, it’s that you can’t grow inside your comfort zone…Challenges happen because it’s the universe pushing you to level up.” – Heather Ione Clark

It reminds me of one of my absolute favorite quotes in the world, from author J.K. Rowling: “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” If it wasn’t for her challenges, the world would have never been blessed with the magical, wizarding world of Harry Potter!

But just as much as I believe that challenging times happen to us so that we can reach our soul’s purpose, I also believe that the rough periods are happening to us for another reason. We all have lessons that we’re meant to learn in this lifetime so that we can evolve and become our highest selves. Even though it’s much easier to take the victim mentality, instead look at it from the perspective of, “What can I learn from this?”

When I take this healthier and more positive perspective, I’m able to understand that this depression I’ve been experiencing is happening for a greater purpose – it will help me to grow, finally address traumas that I haven’t let go of, and it will help me to inspire others to seek help too. 

3. It’s ok to not be ok

It’s ok if you’re not always feeling “#blessed” like how you are in your Instagram captions. Let’s be honest, we all have crap days and years that don’t quite go how we imagined they would. And that’s ok. I don’t think I’ve met one person who didn’t struggle with some trauma, whether it be a broken relationship with a parent, a sexual assault, or an eating disorder. We all have our things.

When I first decided to see a therapist, I debated not sharing this with you. I didn’t want to admit that even I feel the need to see a therapist. Because I’m a self-help and wellness writer, I should be 100% ok, right? False. Even your super hot personal trainer eats cake sometimes. We’re all human here. 

But I’m sharing this because although this blog is all about self-help, health, and wellness, I’m not claiming to be PERFECT. I’m not claiming to have it all figured out. This is about my journey, my advice that I learn along the way, and above all – transparency. Sharing the not so gram-able moments about my life in hopes to help someone else. Because I know other young women just like me share the same challenges, and I want them to know that it’s ok to NOT be ok. 

Thanks for coming to Lost Online!

I really hope you enjoyed this week’s post and it helped you to reflect on your own experience. Lastly, I just want to say that if you’re having a similar experience as me, don’t be afraid to make the call. Those few minutes it takes to call someone are scarier than actually sitting down and talking things out. Trust me, you will be so happy and so proud of yourself that you took the first step. 

“At any given moment we have two choices: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety.” – Abraham Maslow

As always, let me know what you think in the comments! Have you recently taken the first step to see a therapist? Do you currently see a therapist? Looking back at the time of your life when you decided to seek help, what are some of your own takeaways? What advice would you give to others who are going through a hard time? Do you believe that “bad” things happen for a reason? Do you believe that we’re meant to learn something from moments like this? Even if you don’t AND even if you haven’t seen a therapist, let me know your thoughts in the comments! 

If you like what you read here, remember to go down to the bottom of the page, click that”+” symbol, and type in your email where it says “follow blog via email.” You’ll have all future blog posts sent right to you! Thanks for coming to Lost Online!

Photos by Ray Reyes @rocketsciencephoto.