ANNOUNCEMENT: We got a dog!

Announcements

*Currently writing this blog post with one hand because a puppy is nibbling on the other!*

Yes, it finally happened! Matt and I are officially dog parents and I’m so happy to introduce our furbaby, Nova, to you!

It’s so crazy being here now. Back when Matt and I were dating in college, we used to always dream about our future together. We’d talk about how amazing it would be to have our own home, how we would decorate, how we would spend our weekends, and the trips we would take. But above all, we talked about how much we wanted a dog.

There was nothing in the world we wanted more than a four-legged fur baby that we could snuggle up with together. For as long as we’ve known each other we’ve been saving photos of different dog breeds and brainstorming names. Were we a bit obsessed? Maybe. But who cares. We’re DOG PEOPLE.

Anyways, we talked about this FOREVER and tried our best to ignore all the haters who tried to ruin our dream by sharing all of the reasons why we “shouldn’t get a dog.” (Side note: no one ever tells you that you shouldn’t have a baby. Why do we do this to each other when someone says they want a puppy?)

BUT, we knew that whenever the day came when we had our own yard, a puppy would be in our very near future. And here she is, our ferocious little puppy, Nova Rutski who is currently having what I call “the zoomies” and running back and forth across the living room as fast as she possibly can. Welcome to the family, Nova.

Puppy Motherhood

We got Nova when she was just 6 weeks old and weighed just 4.9 pounds! Annnddd, now I have to go pull her away from the molding she’s chewing on. 

Today, Nova is 12 weeks old and having her for just 6 weeks has already been such an experience. The first 2 weeks were the toughest. Matt and I were both pretty nervous. For the first time in our lives, we had another life to be responsible for! I mean I used to be a pet sitter and a nanny for a few years, but I would say goodbye at the end of the night or the end of the week when the parents and owners would come home. Instead, we are now responsible for another life for over a decade! And now I have to take Nova outside because I can tell she’s about to have an accident, brb.

So to be honest, as excited as we were, we were also very on edge. On top of that, Matt had to leave on a week-long work trip the day after we got her! Let me tell you, I got zero sleep that week.

But I didn’t care. Instantly, I loved her so much. I loved her puppy breath, her spots, how her eyes are different from each other. And most of all, I loved the… and I left her alone for one minute and she destroyed the zipper on her crate.

Whelp, I was going in a certain direction with this blog post today, but I guess it’s time to scratch that. I am writing this blog post in real-time while Nova is bouncing back and forth between being the sweetest and most cuddly puppy in the world, to being a literal monster. Nova is what Matt described as a real-life Sour Patch Kid – first she’s sour and then she’s sweet.

So I guess that’s the point that I’m trying to make with this blog post today. I love this little puppy more than anything, but she drives me insane. She makes me feel so loved and yet sometimes I think she’s intentionally destroying the things that I care about on purpose. I just want to sleep in, yet I’m thankful for getting to wake up early and take care of her.

Thank goodness, now she’s napping. 

There are holes from her teeth in my favorite $110 Lululemon yoga pants, but so much love in my heart. My favorite rugs are chewed up in the corners and we have to move them into the garage, but I have a smile on my face whenever I look at her. I can’t leave the house and go anywhere, yet I also don’t want to. 

THIS is puppy motherhood.

Despite the constant biting, and gnawing, and chewing, and holes in every piece of clothing or sock she can find, I’ve never been so relaxed, happy, and anxiety-free. Matt and I noticed that after just 3 weeks of having her, our stress and anxiety level dropped so much. We weren’t constantly in our own heads and worrying about something. It was like having this new little life to take care of brought us more clarity, focus, and peace of mind. The routine and responsibility that comes with taking care of someone else along with that feeling of unconditional love when your puppy is so excited that you just came home are amazing.

Oh crap, she wasn’t actually sleeping. Oh well, it’s her lunchtime anyways.

Back to writing… nope, I have to take her out again.

Ok, now back to writing. Awwww, she’s being so cute playing with her ball right now. The ball just went under the couch and she went after it. All you can see are her little paws sticking out. It kind of looks like when the witch from the Wizard of Oz got a house dropped on her.

Now she’s out from under the couch and chewing on the Christmas tree. I give up. Welcome to the family Nova, I love you. 

Thanks for coming to Lost Online

I hope you enjoyed this chaotic blog post about the newest member of our little family! You’ll be seeing SO much more of our little sour patch puppy in the future. Please send us a prayer that we survive Nova’s puppyhood and leave some of your puppy training knowledge in the comments below! We could use it!

If you like what you read here, remember to go down to the bottom of the page, click that “+” symbol, and type in your email where it says “follow blog via email.” You’ll have all future blog posts sent right to you! Thanks for coming to Lost Online!

Photos by Ray Reyes @rocketsciencephoto.

Health is a Vehicle, NOT a Destination

Health & Wellness

Through my studies at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, I came across a quote from the school’s founder, Joshua Rosenthal, that has stuck with me ever since.

“Health is a vehicle, not a destination.”

I think this idea that Joshua has is so important to spread because today we live in a time where everyone is a know-it-all when it comes to health. You see articles and blogs every day that say things like “10 Steps to Better Health,” “45 Ways to Make Your Home Healthier,” “7 Superfoods to Add to Your Grocery List,” “5 Supplements to Take to Improve Your Health.” In reality, these people aren’t experts. Everyone is really just recommending their own specific formula of food, exercise, and supplementation that works for them. 

In all this confusion, new nutrition knowledge appears every year, new health products come onto the market, and new health advice is thrown into the mix. And here we are, just trying to make some sense out of it!

Plus with the thousands of content sources that show photoshopped images of fitness models, influencers, and bloggers out there it’s easy to get obsessed about what you need to do to be healthy. When you combine the crazy popularity of “lifestyle” articles and content in recent years, all of the nutrition confusion, and the constant barrage of ultra-toned models, there’s so much pressure to be “healthy.” Perfectly healthy, I might add.

But perfect health should not be the end goal. 

If you have any plans for the future – having kids, getting a new job, starting a business, getting married, traveling – you will need your health to get you there. But happiness and life fulfillment don’t fall into your lap once you walk through magical golden gates to the land of perfect health.

Health is very important, but we shouldn’t just stop there. Health is what allows us to be active in the world. However, the problem is that most people don’t think of health in this way. They don’t view their physical health as a vehicle to greater things in life. Instead, people tend to fall into one of two groups when it comes to how they approach their health and wellness.

Group One: Those who KNOW they need to make health a priority and don’t.

The first group of people that I’m going to talk about are the people who constantly say things like: 

  • “I should workout”
  • “I should eat better”
  • “I should take vitamins”
  • “I should go to the doctor”
  • “I should go to the dentist”
  • “I should drink more water”
  • “I should drink less alcohol”
  • “I should stop eating so much junk food”
  • “I should eat more fruits and veggies”

SHOULD is the keyword here.

These people aren’t completely happy with their bodies and constantly think about how they need to improve and what they “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing. Maybe they even feel guilty for it and it affects their self-confidence. 

This happens because while people understand what they have to do to improve their health, it’s another thing to actually do it. They get stuck in habits or stuck in a rut and can’t seem to pull themselves out of it. It can feel impossible to undo years worth of habits that were slowly created. So getting healthy again, losing weight, and changing nutrition feels as difficult as climbing Mount Everest.

This is not because some of these people are any weaker, but because they lack the motivation, accountability, and support that they need to make these changes. More importantly, they often lack the understanding of how to create small steps each week that will bring about the big results.

That’s why you can see people going all out for one week with healthy habits, and then dropping them as quickly as they started and falling back into old behaviors: fried chicken, excess alcohol, Netflix binging, smoking, junk food, etc. 

Group Two: Those who are constantly trying to be healthier and healthier.

Now group two is on the other side of the spectrum. These people are on a quest for perfect health! These people try to eat healthier, and healthier, and healthier, and healthier, and healthier!

I’m sure you know some of these people too:

  • The give up dairy, gluten, and soy
  • They might not drink
  • They swore off sugar and caffeine
  • They make smoothies and juices every morning
  • The go vegan
  • They take supplements
  • They constantly know random food facts
  • They buy organic
  • They only drink alternative milk

These people are going to die in perfect health if it’s the last thing they do. (Do you see the issue there?)

While these people are ultra health-conscious, this behavior isn’t much better. There’s a point where people can get too strict about being healthy to the point where it ruins the fun. Our food is incorporated so much into our primary foods like relationships, home environment, and joy, that it often holds people back by making their life less satisfying when they’re overly strict and concerned about diet.

This is why in recent years there’s been an entirely new eating disorder that came to light called orthorexia nervosa, which is characterized by an excessive preoccupation with eating healthy food.

Now, not everyone from group two is orthorexic! But, the point is that some people eat very healthy and are miserable. This way of thinking completely ignores the entire reason for being healthy in the first place. To think that there’s a correlation between perfect health and being happy is missing the entire point of why we take care of our physical body.

The goal isn’t to get perfectly healthy. You’re not suddenly going to be greeted by the Gods of Health as you’re making your smoothie in the morning to tell you that you’ve done everything right and you’re now part of a group of the elite, ultra-healthy people on the planet. Nor is life going to get better because you decided to be stricter with yourself by giving up sugar or gluten.

The Truth About Health

Not everyone falls into two specific groups like this, but many people do exist in these two groups – one of them ignoring their health and the other one being overly concerned about it. Neither one of these lifestyles is good for us. You can’t boycott healthy behavior because it seems difficult as much as you can’t swing the other way and let leading a “healthy” life control you. Both behaviors are UN-healthy.

Even if you’re at the 86th percentile of health, that’s wonderful! Work out several days a week and eat well 80% of the time, and you’re doing fantastic. Pat yourself on the back, because you’re doing a great job.

Health is extremely important but it’s not the end goal. Health a vehicle to everything else in life that you want: better relationships, financial freedom, happy memories, plenty of travel, a fulfilling career, and more. Health is what helps you get to all of those other places, it’s NOT the destination.

If you’re extremely sick and unhealthy if affects every single aspect of your life and puts a strain on you. If you’re overly strict about your diet, then it takes fun, joy, and spontaneity out of other areas of your life. However, if you’re in good health, it affects all of the other aspects of your life for the better!

You feel better, you look better, you can be more productive, you can have a fulfilling life, and you can feel well enough to work on your bucket list.

Think about it like this: Every day you get in your car and you drive to work, to the store, to coffee dates, to your chiropractor, etc. You’re in and out of your car all day long getting to your destination. And while you’re in your car, you don’t even think about your car! You’re thinking about other things, or where you’re going, or the rest of your day. Your mind is completely freed up while your vehicle effortlessly takes you to your destination.

Now, what if instead of your car effortlessly getting you to your destination, your tire popped or your engine wouldn’t start? What then?

You would be stuck! You wouldn’t be able to do anything that you set out to do that day, and all of your energy would be put toward dealing with your car so that you can get back to your intentions. 

Our health is just like that. Everything we do in life we do because our physical body is healthy, allowing us the freedom to do what we want. Once our health is taken away, we can’t do anything. We need our health for strength to get us to our true destinations.

By viewing our health as a vehicle to greater things in life, these two groups of people that millions of us exist in, can finally thrive and find a happy medium. They can learn to take care of their health–mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually–to achieve their goals and find their happiness.

Creating a Grassroots Movement 

However, this type of mentality is going to take a while to change, because as we all know, it’s going to come from doctors, or our government, or the food industry. It has to come from all of us, working together to better ourselves and supporting each other to do so.

No one is going to come to save us and force us to engage in healthy behavior. On top of that, we have companies making billions of dollars off of us being sick. One of my favorite quotes is by Wendell Berry and it illustrates this point perfectly:

“People are fed by the food industry, which pays no attention to health, and are treated by the health industry, which pays no attention to food.”

SO, we have to work together to make sure that we are taking the steps needed to live a happy and healthy life. Whether that’s by finally paying attention to our health OR by relaxing and not being overly strict with ourselves. 

How do we do this? By creating support, accountability, and motivation for each other.

Because not only do we have all of these additional challenges as I mentioned before, BUT health is often something that people have to deal with all on their own. Have you noticed that when you have a health concern, no one talks to you about it? No one monitors you or asks you how your health is, or if you’re ok, or if you need help. No one calls you up and asks you what your wellness goals are and supports you in that transition. No one checks in with you after making a new year’s resolution to see how you’re doing getting back to the gym or cutting out junk food.

That’s the problem! Health is such a private issue that we don’t talk about it and don’t receive any help with it. Yet we ALL struggle with it one way or another!

This needs to be changed above anything. We all need to find someone to talk to about our health concerns and keep us accountable to engage in healthy behavior. We shouldn’t be working at it completely alone. We’ve been doing that for years, and it hasn’t helped!

By doing this (one relationship at a time), it will create a grassroots movement around the world and slowly change the way we look at health and our entire food industry and health care system. It has the potential to change the world and put a stop to this global health crisis that we’re in. But only if enough of us do it.

How do we create a grassroots movement?

We can create this grassroots movement together, simply by connecting and making our health a priority together. Here’s how:

1. Health and Accountability Coaching

The first thing that I recommend is working with a holistic health and accountability coach like me.

It’s incredible how having one person there as your cheerleader and accountability buddy gives you the push to finally make the changes you’ve been talking about for so long. Because while many people know what they should be doing for their health and wellbeing, they are often overwhelmed by the amount of change they need to create in their lives and need assistance and accountability in implementing small lifestyle changes (one at a time) – that’s where I come in.

As a holistic health coach, I take a full-body approach to health and wellness. I understand that every single aspect of our lives nurtures us, from the food on our plates, to our finances and relationships, to the amount of joy we have in our lives. If even one aspect of our lives is out of whack, we’re off balance and unable to be our best selves. 

I provide that one-on-one connection, support, and encouragement that you need in meeting your personal wellness goals. I also guide you on how to gradually implement new habits so that they are sustainable. 

BOOK A FREE CONSULTATION WITH ME.

2. Accountability buddies 

The second way we can create a grassroots movement and improve health globally by working with an accountability buddy. As I mentioned above, one of the major flaws in the way we look at health is that it’s viewed as a private issue and that people are left to struggle with their health goals and alignments without any help. Eventually, they have no choice but to turn to doctors who only prescribe pills, ignore the root cause of the health concern, and look at the human body as separate parts.

A holistic health coach does help with this tremendously. Honestly, having a coach in any aspect of your life is highly beneficial. However, it’s important to have other people in your life act as your cheerleaders, support system and accountability buddies too. Because we shouldn’t always have to always pay for support, right? We want to create several personal relationships that fulfill us and push us to be better.

The more you can expand your network with health-minded people who want to help each other, the better you will feel and the faster you will see improvements in your life. For example, I have my own health coach, but I also have an accountability buddy for my nutrition school homework who is also an herbalist and DoTerra advocate. We help each other with school and she’s helping me heal my leaky gut. 

But this doesn’t just go for health too, it’s the same for every single aspect of our lives. For example, I have a business coach who has helped me in so many ways. On top of that, I’m also in a business-centered book club and support group with other young, female entrepreneurs. I also have a friend who is my business accountability buddy! We now call each other every morning, Monday-Friday at 9 a.m. to share what our intentions and affirmations are for the day. Additionally, I now attend networking events around my area.

If we really want to improve ourselves and our communities, we can’t do it alone. Period. We must expand our network as much as possible and find people that we trust to provide us that one-on-one support and accountability. Talking with several people about your health is going to be much more helpful.

3. Support groups 

The next way we can change our mindset about health and create this grassroots movement is by setting up or attending support groups as I mentioned in the last point. It doesn’t matter what your health goals or concerns are, there’s a support group for that! If you’re struggling with a health concern, there’s a conference about it, a Facebook page about it, or a support group for it! And if you’re looking to improve your health in any way, there are tons of groups for it. It doesn’t matter if you’re looking to lose weight, train for a marathon, quit drinking, practice yoga, etc. – There is a group for that!

A half an hour spent searching through all the Facebook groups in St. Petersburg, Fla., and I found several group dinners that people hold, vegan potlucks, running groups, and yoga meetups. Another half an hour scan on Eventbrite and I found tons of spiritual events, special interest and hobby groups, health and wellness-based workshops and more.

This is where you will find that support that you’re looking for, and by the way, they won’t always be labeled as “support groups.” The support group I’m in is called a “book club,” and honestly we hardly ever bring up the book! We spend the entire time venting, brainstorming, and helping each other.

Get out of your comfort zone and attend groups like this in your area, because that’s where you’re going to connect with people who have similar interests as you and form those strong bonds with each other. And if you can’t find one, make one.

Recently, I found myself being bummed out that I didn’t have people to talk about the Law of Attraction with and it’s such a big part of my life. I wished I could sit down and talk about it in-depth, but where the hell do you find a group that meets up and spends hours talking about manifestation? So, I made one. I made an event that’s being held in January called the Manifestation Meetup, and I plan on holding it once a month in the new year to bring people together who are interested in this topic. 

4. Wellness events 

The last piece of advice that I believe we can use to change our mindset about health and improve this global health crisis is by putting on and attending wellness events. This one is similar to the support groups, but not as intimate. This is on a larger scale.

By creating and attending large wellness events we can raise consciousness and spread the message of holistic health and balanced living on a larger scale. And possibly, spread this message with people wouldn’t typically hear about it.

What better way to create a grassroots movement than by getting thousands of people together to talk about holistic health and wellness, share stories, share products, and exchange information? 

Thanks for Coming to Lost Online!

I hope you enjoyed this week’s blog post about how health is a vehicle, not a destination and how we can create a grassroots movement to change our individual health, and understanding of health and wellness on a larger scale. 

These steps I shared with you will help all of us to vocalize our health concerns, our stumbling blocks, and wellness goals. And that freedom to finally talk to people openly about our health is what’s going to create that accountability and support needed to make lifestyle changes for real

I encourage you to get out of your bubble (starting right now, in this new year and new decade) and understand that you do not have to be alone when it comes to your health and wellness journey. 

DON’T stay stuck in those two groups I talked about! Set up a free health history consultation with me to talk about your goals and concerns, seek out accountability buddies, and attend local groups or wellness events to expand your network and find people who will push to be better.

BOOK A FREE CONSULTATION WITH ME.

As always, let me know what you think in the comments! Do you fall into group one or group two when it comes to your lifestyle behaviors? Why do you think that is? Have you viewed health as a destination up until this point? Do you agree that health is a vehicle? How else can we create a grassroots movement to change our behavior and misunderstandings about health?

If you like what you read here, remember to go down to the bottom of the page, click that “+” symbol, and type in your email where it says “follow blog via email.” You’ll have all future blog posts sent right to you! Thanks for coming to Lost Online!

Photos by Ray Reyes @rocketsciencephoto.

Fear is a Compass: Everything You Want is on the Other Side of Fear

Self-Help

Fear. I know it all too well. And I’m willing to bet that you do too because every single one of us is terrified of something.

And it SUCKS, right? Don’t you just hate feeling scared? In my opinion, there’s nothing more unpleasant than the feeling of fear. Because when you’re afraid of something, your mind decides to play this little game where it comes up with a million possible outcomes of all of the different ways you’re going to fail, or suck, or disappoint, or even die! You get caught up in the perpetual loop of all the worst possible outcomes, and before you know it, there’s no possible outcome in your mind otherthan the worst-case scenario. 

The thought, “I want to quit my job to start a business,” turns into, “Oh my gosh, I’ll end up running out of money, I’ll be broke, I’ll end up homeless, my friends and family will disown me, I’ll have no one, I’ll be filled with regret for the rest of my life, I’ll get sick and die alone, no one will even remember that I was here, etc.”

Before you know it, a simple thought of quitting your job has turned into this loop that you’ve been stuck in with all of the possible, horrible outcomes that could end up happening to you.

In this blog post, I’m going to change your mind about fear for good. I’m going to convince you why fear is actually your best friend and why you should follow it as if it were a compass! Most importantly, I’m going to teach you how you can let go of fear’s hold on you so you can move forward and do the things that make you happy – without getting trapped in that fearful loop in your head.

Disclaimer: I just want to let you know that I’m not talking about rational fears. I’m not telling you to walk down an alley alone at night because the thought of doing so scares you. I’m not telling you to drive fast and furiously down the highway weaving through cars because it sounds scary. I don’t want anyone being reckless because of my blog posts.

Today, I’m talking about those icky, unpleasant fears that cause you anxiety as you’re going about your everyday life and hold you back from pursuing the things that make you happy. Things like starting a business or traveling the world. 

You know what I’m talking about, right? These fears:

  • “What will people think of me if I ___(insert your dream here)___?” 
  • “What if I fail?”
  • “What if I disappoint my parents?”
  • “What if I can’t get a job because I took a sabbatical and no one will ever want to hire me again?”
  • “What if I lose all my money?”
  • “What if this is a huge mistake?”
  • “What if I die alone?”
  • “What if I regret this decision?”
  • “What if they think I’m a fraud?”
  • “What if I don’t amount to anything?”

I’m talking about the fears that center around failure, rejection, and loneliness because those fears often require us to follow our hearts and go against what society or family tells us we’re “supposed to” do. I’m talking about the fears that we allow to control our day and the direction of our lives.

But first, Fear is Fabulous.

Now, because we ALLOW fear to control us and prevent us from moving forward, fear gets a bad rap. I hate it, you hate it, and it makes us feel terrible. BUT, fear is actually a fabulous thing for two reasons.

Reason Number One: It’s how our brain and biology keeps us safe from real danger.

When we are scared, everything that happens in our body occurs to keep us from getting hurt and keep us alive. The adrenal glands flood the body with adrenaline; the pupils dilate so we can take in more light and see more of our surroundings; our heart rate increases so that more blood gets to our muscles; we breathe faster to take in more oxygen; the blood flow decreases in our frontal lobe as adrenaline in the amygdala allows us to react purely on INSTINCT rather than through planning and logic.

It’s amazing when you break it down and think about how many things happen in the body in such a short moment to keep us from getting hurt when there’s a very real danger present. So really, fear is an incredible thing! We’re so lucky to have it! Fear serves a purpose and isn’t evil or bad in any way. If we didn’t have it, humans wouldn’t have made it this far in history. I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this post to you and you wouldn’t be reading it. So stop and take a moment to feel thankful that we even have this ability to feel fear.

Now, the reason why we tend to hate fear so much is that fewer PHYSICAL threats are happening to humans today. As we’ve evolved so many of the “threats” we encounter became more personal. That fear is still there, working in the exact same way, but now it comes up in times when we’re really not in danger. Like when we’re about to have a difficult conversation, when we’re able to speak in public, when our boss starts sending us passive-aggressive emails, or when we’re thinking of an approaching deadline.

That alone could be an entirely different blog post topic, but the reason why we’re here today is that fear also shows up to put the brakes on when it comes to pursuing our dreams… which brings me to my second reason.

Reason Number Two: Fear is like a compass pointing us in the direction of what we most want to (and have to) do in this lifetime.

The second reason why fear is fabulous is that it works like a compass, only instead of pointing north, it points you in the direction of what you want the most. Think about it for a moment – What terrifies you the most? I’m not asking what your worst nightmare is, here. I’m asking, what would scare you the most TO DO right now?

Many people think of things like starting their own business, writing a book, moving abroad, taking time off to travel, starting a project or hobby. It’s funny how the thing that we’re absolutely terrified of doing is actually the one thing that we want to do the most.

When I ask myself what I’m most terrified of, it’s pursuing my life-long dreams and everything that I’ve been wanting to do for as long as I could remember. Things like writing a book, starting a podcast, and starting my business. The things that I most want to do that would bring me the most joy, are simultaneously the things that scare the crap out of me and make me want to numb myself with a Netflix binge.

But this is again a GOOD thing. By noticing what scares you the most and causes you to get stuck in the fearful loop in your head, you’re able to clearly see what you want to do most and what you should be doing with your life. Once we learn to embrace that fear and use it as fuel, it allows us to move forward through uncertainty where we can truly grow. 

Everything You Want is on the Other Side of Fear

Moral of the story – fear isn’t a bad thing; allowing ourselves to be controlled by it is. But luckily for us, we have complete control over that. We can acknowledge the fear and move forward regardless of if it makes us uncomfortable. As difficult as that may be, it helps to remember all of the times when you stepped forward into fear throughout your life and did what you wanted to do anyway.

Haven’t you had some of those times? The times when you’ve taken a risk when you lost everything, where you pursued what you wanted to do over what felt comfortable? Think of some of them right now. Maybe it was the time back in high school where you pushed yourself to join the drama club even though it scared you. Maybe it was a time at your work where you asked to lead a project even though you were scared and doubted your capability. And aren’t you so freaking thankful that you did those things? They were pivotal moments in your life when you came into your own and took what you wanted in life. Your life changed for the better because of it.

You can do it again.

I believe that one of the reasons why people have so much stress and anxiety is because we’re not doing the things we want to do the most. We get trapped by our fear and bottle up our dreams year after year because we’re afraid they’ll lead us to rejection and failure if we pursued them. 

From my experience, stepping forward into fear to do what you love and pursue a dream is the best antidepressant in the world. Yes, there’s going to be uncertainty and there’s going to be confusion. But isn’t dealing with a little uncertainty worth it if you can be happy and have mental health?

If you allow fear to be a cage for you, rather than a compass, I promise you that your life is not going to be nearly as beautiful, enriching, and satisfying. And eventually, you’re going to look back filled with regret. 

So let me ask you a question from Mastin Kipp, the man who’s “Fear Fallacy” lecture inspired this blog post today…

“What if the quality of your life is directly related to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with?”

-Mastin Kipp

I think this question sums everything up perfectly because the quality of our lives is directly related to how much uncertainty we have in it. It’s not about that ONE time that we choose to step out of our comfort zone, the real breakthrough happens when we learn to do this every day. When we learn to embrace uncertainty and risk and do the things that we want to anyways. It has to become a habit.

Think about this way: none of us really have CONTROL over anything. We can follow society’s and parents’ rules flawlessly, but what does that really do for us? Even if I did everything that I was “supposed to” do, I could still find out tomorrow that I have cancer and only have three months to live. The idea that we can control everything is make-believe. It doesn’t matter if you count your calories every day, wake up at 7 a.m. on the dot every morning, work out for exactly 40 minutes, spend your life slowly working up the corporate ladder, and always remember to send thank you notes after your birthday. Those things might make us FEEL in control, but in reality, we’re not.

So let’s embrace uncertainty anyways, and let go of this idea that if we stay inside our comfort zone life will be PERFECT. We’ll all be so much happier if we chose to embrace the uncertainty and step forward into fear because everything that we want is on the other side of it – a better relationship, a more fulfilling career, the vacation of our dreams, friends that are in alignment with us, and above all true HAPPINESS.

As I said on my “20 Facts About Me,” I’m a firm believer that the more you throw yourself outside of your comfort zone, the happier you will be.

Let go of fear’s hold on you

Now, you and I both know that me saying, “follow fear like a compass” or “throw yourself outside of your comfort zone,” is easier said than done. So, I’m going to share six tips with you that will help you to break the hold fear has over you.

Before we begin, you just have to get clear on what you’re most afraid of. Think about that thing that you really want to do, but you feel like if you do it people will be disappointed, or you’ll be unlovable, or you’ll be lost and confused. I know you have that one thing. Most of us have about five things. I’m sure you’ll have no difficulty in recalling what it is, but just in case this is something that you often fantasize about at work and stay up at night thinking about. 

Now, get out a notebook and write them down. Write down a bullet-pointed list of those 1-5 different things you’re scared to do. Then use the next six exercises to help you step forward into fear.

1. Ask yourself, what’s the worst possible thing that could happen?

One exercise that often helps is to imagine the absolute worst-case scenario and let it play out. But this time, instead of letting it play out in your head, say it OUT LOUD. I love this trick because when you let a terrible fantasy play out to completion and you actually SPEAK it out loud you realize just how far- fetched it is and just how unrealistic that worst-case scenario actually is.

It’s an exercise that my therapist had me do, and once I did it, I realized how ridiculous it was that me starting a blog and health coaching business would play out in my head until I would end up having to take a horrible job that I hated OR end up homeless. I literally felt as if me pursuing this dream was going to cause me to become homeless, and I believed it. UNTIL I shared all of this out loud. It suddenly occurred to me, the mind is SO DRAMATIC.

Because our mind tends to build things up. Every day, every week, and every year, we think about this thing until our minds turn it into a catastrophe. Eventually, we can’t even see just how distorted our perspective really is. We don’t even notice just how large we let this scenario become in our minds. Speaking the words brings it back into perspective. 

2. Ask yourself, is that really going to happen? 

Now ask yourself, “Ok, is that really going to happen?” No. Most of the things we spend our time worrying about NEVER happens.

I can confidently say that EVERY and ALL of the worst-case scenarios I’ve played out in my mind has never happened to me. Not once. 

Which reminds me, I was in a book club meeting one day at the yoga studio when one of the women told me that she calls worrying “borrowing trouble.” How true is that? Every day we let our minds go absolutely crazy with horrible things that could happen and all we’re doing is just borrowing trouble or borrowing anxiety from a future that’s not even going to play out.

Again, make sure to speak these words aloud to ground yourself in reality and get yourself out of that fearful loop in your mind. Tell yourself “No, ___(fill in the blank with worst-case scenario)___ is not actually going to happen.

“No, I’m not actually going to end up homeless.”

“No, the plane is not actually going to go down.”

“No, all of my friends and family won’t disown me.”

“No, I’m not going to lose all my money.”

3. Ask yourself, what will most likely happen if it doesn’t work out?

Now that you’ve made it clear that the worst-case scenario isn’t actually going to happen to you, ask yourself this question: “If things don’t go according to plan or don’t work out, what will most likely happen?”

When I asked myself this question, I realized that the answer was really simple. I was terrified that in starting a business, I would end up homeless, but what would most likely happen is that I would need extra money so I would get a part-time job. That’s not that bad! It’s simple. Life wouldn’t go according to plan, so I would simply come up with an easy fix to help me get through that early stage of having to find clients!

When you ask yourself this question, you’ll find that the real answer isn’t this dramatic, catastrophic event that’s going to turn your life upside down. It’s manageable. It’s not ideal, but it’s going to be ok.

4. When you find yourself reverting to the worst-case scenario, ask yourself this…

I know it’s really hard to break the habit of thinking about the worst-case scenario, so when you find yourself slipping, go through the first three exercises again OR ask yourself this hypothetical question:

Let’s just pretend that the terrible catastrophe actually DOES happen. What would be worse, the bad thing happening or dying with regret?

What would be worse for you? What would you rather happen? Personally, I would rather have something bad happen to me than not even try to live my life how I want to live it. When I first did this exercise with my therapist, I said that the worst-case scenario for me would be getting stuck in a job I’m miserable with because I failed as a business owner. But I would still take that outcome over having not even tried. 

5. Reflect on all of the times when you stepped forward into fear

For this exercise, I want you to do some more self-reflection. Get out that journal again or open up a document on your computer. Now, jot down all of the moments in your life when you were scared to do something, but you did it anyway because you knew it would help you grow and make you happy. 

Examples could be moving away to college, going on a retreat, traveling abroad, taking on a project you felt under-qualified for, asking the person you’re currently dating to go on a date, reaching out to your role model, starting a new hobby like skydiving, beekeeping, dancing, or pottery, getting out of a bad relationship, etc. 

When you’re done with the list, write a few sentences or bullet points about WHY you’re happy that you did each one of those things. Share about all of the personal growth that you made because you took the leap. Reflecting on similar instances will help you to put this new fear of yours into perspective.

Some of my own examples include taking a month-long trip through Europe with a group of strangers, asking for the account executive position on the Flagler College Smoke and Tobacco-Free campaign, and quitting my job to become a blogger and health coach. These things all scared the hell out of me at the time but have been some of the moments of my life that brought me the most personal growth and happiness.

Don’t rush this exercise. Reflect on it for as long as you need to take in just how beneficial those moments were for you. Remember, the quality of your life is directly related to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with.

6. Try Mel Robbins Five Second Rule

So now you’ve reflected on what you’re most afraid to do and learned how and why to not let fear put you in a cage, but rather act as a COMPASS. But still, it’s hard to remember these things in your daily life, right? You can read every popular self-help book and journal every night but still find yourself holding back when you wake up in the morning and go about your day. What do you do then?

The answer is Mel Robbins, and her five-second rule. First of all, if you haven’t heard of Mel Robbins, you have to look her up. She’s an international best-selling author, motivational speaker with one of the top Ted Talks of all time, co-founder and CEO of 143 Studios, and now has her own talk show. She sets an incredible example for everyone on how you can step into fear, turn your life around, and become a success. And she did it all with a simple life hack, which she calls “The Five-Second Rule.”

The Five Second Rule works like this – “if you have an instinct to act on a goal, you must physically move within five seconds or your brain will kill it.” The moment you feel an instinct or a desire to act on a goal you have to commit and react immediately.

Whenever you feel yourself hesitating before doing something, whether it be applying for a job, booking your trip, going to the gym, waking up in the morning, count backward from five and them react immediately. Say to yourself, “5-4-3-2-1” and then GO.

Move toward action.

Why? Because as Mel Robbins describes it on her website, there is a window of time that exists between the moment you have an instinct to change and your mind killing it. That window is only about five seconds. 

If you don’t take action on your instinct to change within those five seconds you will stay stagnant, you won’t change, and your life will not transform in the way that you want it to. Because of that little fearful loop we talked about in the beginning. If you allow yourself time to hesitate, your brain will start to play that game where it comes up with all the terrible things that are going to happen to you and all of the worst-case scenarios. Because the brain wants to PROTECT you, and if you want something new that is foreign to your brain, it perceives it as a risk and immediately tries to stop you.

Like I said before, this instinct is amazing, it has kept us alive for thousands of years and we’re lucky to have it. However, we don’t need that fear holding us back when we’re applying for jobs, going on a trip, or starting a business – it’s not life or death here. 

But if you do that one simple trick by reacting immediately and not allowing that nightmare to begin playing out in your mind, you can prevent your mind from working against you and your personal goals. You can start the momentum before the mind starts to craft excuses.

This also helps because you’re NEVER going to feel like it. You’re never going to suddenly feel like doing all these things that are good for you or the things that terrify you. You have to make yourself do it, and make yourself do it QUICKLY. Otherwise, you won’t move forward. You’ll remain stuck in the cage of fear instead of allowing it to point you towards the next chapter of your life.

Takeaways

Before I head out and wrap up this post today, I wanted to leave you with a few takeaways to keep in mind.

1. Fear is normal, it’s OK to be afraid. It’s MORE than ok to be afraid. Don’t shame yourself for being scared of something. Being scared is the brain’s way of keeping you safe, and it’s a survival instinct that exists inside of ALL of us. It’s not unique to you and you’re not weak for having it.

2. However… don’t let fear CONTROL your life. Don’t let fear be the reason why you never __(fill in the blank)__. Because everything you want is one the other side of fear: better health, better relationships, a fulfilling career, happiness, life experience, memories you will cherish, personal growth, and more. 

3. Fear is a compass showing you where to go. The thing you are most terrified of is the thing that you want more than anything in the world. UNLESS you’re in mortal danger. You still need common sense! I’m not saying that if you’re walking around alone at night and the thought of walking down a dark, secluded alley scares you that you should do it. But the thing you’re most scared to do is the exact path that you need to take in your life.

4. The quality of your life is directly related to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with. The more you remain in your comfort zone, the less happy you will be. The more you throw yourself outside of your comfort zone, the more you are slowly becoming the version of yourself you always dreamed you could be.

5. Do the written and verbal exercises I’ve outlined above to get rid of the hold that fear has over you. By realizing that your worst-case scenario is NOT going to happen you’ll be able to relinquish the hold it has over you. You’ll realize it was all in your mind. Do it every day if you have to. You must regularly remind yourself of how dramatic your mind can be while you’re trying to pursue your dreams.

6. Use the five-second rule. Use it to get up in the morning, to go to the gym, to start your website, to write a blog, to make a call, to put together a media kit, to write a book, to cook dinner. Use it all the time, but especially when it comes to the things you’re scared of. It’s a simple trick that will help you to bypass that fearful loop in your head altogether.

7. When all is said and done, when you learn to step forward into fear, you’ll wonder why you waited so long. You’ll find yourself thinking, “Huh, that wasn’t that bad,” or “that wasn’t that scary.” It will give you the confidence to pursue more of what you want in the future and become the highest version of yourself. 

Thanks for coming to Lost Online!

As always, thanks for coming to Lost Online. I hope that this post helped you to break the hold that fear has on you and FINALLY decide to live your life on your own terms. Without being held back by a barrage of negative thoughts, fears, and worst-case scenarios.

Remember to let me know your thoughts on the way out! What takeaways did you get from this post? Did you agree that fear is a compass? Is fear a compass for you, or is it currently a cage? Did you try these exercises I suggested? Which ones helped you get rid of the hold fear has on you and step FORWARD into fear? Are there any other suggestions that you would give to others to stop fear from controlling their lives? Let me know in the comments!

If you like what you read here, remember to go down to the bottom of the page, click that “+” symbol, and type in your email where it says “follow blog via email.” You’ll have all future blog posts sent right to you! Thanks for coming to Lost Online! 

Photos by Ray Reyes @rocketsciencephoto.

Announcement: I’m Getting A Nose Job! + Why I’m Getting it Done & What’s To Come

Announcements, Beauty

I have to say, never have I ever had such a difficult time figuring out how to intro one of my blog posts before! So I guess I’ll just say this: Yep. I’m doing it! You read that title correctly. I am getting a rhinoplasty, better known as “a nose job.” Trust me, I’m well aware of how shocking and difficult this news is going to be to some of you! Deep breaths, we will get through this!

As you probably know at this point, I usually share big life announcements on the blog from time to time, and today I’m here to announce the biggest (and probably most controversial) news of all, that I’m getting my nose done.

For starters, you’re probably reading this right now wondering… Why? Why are you getting a nose job? And why the heck are you publishing this on your blog, Heather?! For attention??

So before I lose a few of you in a white-hot rage due to preconceived ideas about plastic surgery and how “wrong” it is, here’s why:

  1. I’m sharing this news with you today because as a self-help and wellness blogger who preaches self-love on the daily, I’m aware that some of you will view this decision as being highly hypocritical and I want to address that.
  2. I understand that many people have a hard stance against plastic surgery and view people who get it done as terrible, superficial people. I would like to address that too. 
  3. This topic shouldn’t be taboo or kept a secret out of fear and judgment.
  4. I want to use my experience to inform other women that I know who are also interested in rhinoplasty.
  5. If it wasn’t for a friend of mine getting her nose done and sharing her experience, I NEVER would have done it. It seemed too foreign and scary to ever ACTUALLY do it. So I’m here to be that friend for you.
  6. I want to explain to you WHY I feel the need to go through with the procedure.
  7. And lastly, I have a confession to make. 

I will explain all of those things in detail in this post. I would really love for you to hear it from me rather than to find out some other way and try to fill in the blanks in yourself. 

This blog post is one of three (possibly four with a Q & A) that will be published sharing my experience. This one is to announce that I’m getting it done and why and to thoroughly explain why I’m sharing this decision so publically.

The next post in this series will be all about my recovery. And I’m warning you right now, that one will be a doozy. So if you’re super against plastic surgery, then maybe you’ll want to skip that one. But if you’re someone who is very curious about this procedure and are thinking about getting it done yourself, then keep your eyes peeled. In that blog post, I will share every single aspect of my recovery, one day at a time. I will share the photos of what I look like as I’m recovering, how the post-op appointments are going, how uncomfortable the recovery is, what items helped me heal and ease the pain, and a hell of a lot more.

That post will be similar to what I did for my microblading and permanent makeup experience, except MUCH more in detail. It’s written to be substantial, honest, and unvarnished. Nothing about that post will be sugar-coated.

The third and final post in this little series will be about the results. I’ll show photos of what my nose looks like now, how I feel about getting it done, and whether or not it turned out like I hoped it would! I’ll also include a review of my plastic surgeon, Dr. Dean Davis of Davis Facial Plastic Surgery, and any messages once I’m finally healed up and on the other side!

So, now let’s get into it! Here are the SEVEN reasons why I’ve chosen to share this experience with you and why I’m going through with this surgery:

1. The Elephant in the Room (Not My Nose)

The very first issue that I wanted to address with this post is what I view as the elephant in the room – and I’m not talking about my nose.

I wanted to share this news with my readers because I’m someone who preaches self-love and self-help on the daily, so I know that this decision of mine could be taken as being hypocritical – especially if I had kept it a secret.

First of all, you can still love yourself and want to look your best. You can still care for yourself and love yourself but have that one thing that really bothers you and that you would like to fix. Just because someone has one part of their body that makes them self-conscious does not mean that they don’t love themselves and aren’t self-respecting bad*ss women. In fact, two of the most confident and self-loving women I’ve ever met have told me that they would like a boob job. (One of them already got it done and they look fabulous).

If anything I think that getting plastic surgery on that one part of your body that you’ve stared at, criticized, and hated fiercely for a decade so that you can finally have peace with yourself and your body is an act of self-love! I mean, really! Wouldn’t that be such a relief? Wouldn’t that save you so much mental energy and spare you from another 10 years of those self-deprecating thoughts? Wouldn’t it feel like a weight was lifted?

Now, I’m not saying YOU need plastic surgery or that all plastic surgery is an act of self-love. I don’t want you clicking away from this post telling people, “Heather Ione Clark claims plastic surgery is an act of self-love.” But what I am saying is that if you’ve had A cup boobs your entire life and every single time you look at yourself you wish you could change it, then do it. It doesn’t make you any less of a beautiful, caring, self-respecting, wonderful woman. And it certainly doesn’t mean that you have no self-esteem or self-worth. We tend to stamp people who get plastic surgery done as superficial and depthless, which is not only untrue but also enormously disrespectful.

Which is why I’m going to be over here with my new nose, that makes me feel more confident than I have been in years, and still be writing to you each week that you should love and care for yourself the same way you would for a newborn baby.

Side Note: Unfortunately, this is the internet and I know how critical people are behind a screen, and how willing they are to point out any “flaws” in my logic. Which is why I know that I have to briefly mention the people who go to extremes with plastic surgery. Like the guy who spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on plastic surgery to look like Justin Bieber or the girl who turned herself into a real-life Barbie doll. I’m not talking about those people. That’s an entirely separate issue that has nothing to do with my one cosmetic procedure. Of course, anything can be taken to unhealthy extremes. Enough said on that issue, right?

2. It’s Not Your Nose

I completely understand that people have very opposing opinions about plastic surgery which is why I wanted to explain why I decided to get this done to hopefully ease the minds of people who will be furious with me for making this decision.

Plastic surgery is a very personal decision that ultimately only affects the person who is getting it.

If you’re someone who is judgemental about others getting plastic surgery, I urge you to do some self-reflection and figure out the real reason why it bothers you. And why would it matter when there are SO many problems in this world? There are child predators, there’s human trafficking, there’s gun violence at schools, there’s climate change! Get angry about those things. A young woman getting plastic surgery so she can finally see herself in a mirror and feel confident is NOT going to affect you, and is the least of your worries.

People get WAY too wrapped up and offended by other people’s life decisions. For whatever reason people get as heated about the topic of plastic surgery as I do watching Mr. “Grab Em By The Pussy” as president. I’ve seen people get extremely angry over their family members choosing to get plastic surgery. I’ve even seen people get extremely, blood-boiling, furiously, turn-into-the-Hulk, angry over random celebrities getting plastic surgery! For what?

When it comes to someone’s decision to get plastic surgery, it needs to be respected. What someone else chooses to do with their body – whether it be getting tattoos, or coloring their hair, or getting cosmetic procedures, it’s entirely up to them. No one is strapping you to a hospital bed and making YOU go under the knife. 

3. It’s a Surgery, Not a Scandal

I remember when I went on my tour of Europe, I felt like I had really connected with the girls on the trip and for whatever reason, I felt comfortable telling them this decision that I had kept a secret until then.

About six or seven of us were standing in a circle in whatever random city we were in at the time when I shared with them that I wanted to get a nose job. To my complete shock, every single one of the girls standing with me all said the same thing: “ME TOO!” “I want a nose job too!” “I’ve been wanting to get my nose done for years!”

We stood there together and each one of us shared how self-conscious we were about our noses and why, what we didn’t like about them, and how we knew that this one procedure could finally allow us to look in the mirror without focusing on it. What was even more shocking was that several of them had actually been saving photos of noses they liked for when they decided to finally get the surgery done!

For years I talked about how I hated my nose, but I never opened up about how I wanted to get a nose job. It seemed taboo and wrong. I grew up around people who would scoff and look down on women for getting cosmetic surgery, so it felt like something that you had to do in private and kept a secret until the day you died. Kind of like how women hundreds of years ago used to go “visit a cousin” for nine months if they were unfortunate enough to get pregnant out of wedlock.

I really thought that this was something that I should have kept secret or been embarrassed about, until that day when I finally realized just how many other women my age struggled with this same insecurity! Since then I’ve openly talked about how I wanted to get a nose job with friends and I’ve met dozens of other women who shared with me that they have either had a rhinoplasty or would like to get one.

I can’t tell you what a relief it was to realize that this is not something that only I struggle with, and not something that I should be ashamed to talk about. So by announcing my own nose job is a very public and vulnerable way, I hope that it will help other people to not feel ashamed of getting something like this done. Maybe for you, it’s not a rhinoplasty. But whatever it is, it’s just a procedure. It’s not a scandal, or a crime, or wrongdoing in any way.

4. I Got You, Honey

Since realizing just how many women I know who want to get their noses done and are curious about the procedure, I’ve decided to share my entire experience with you. I’m using my experience to inform other women who also want to get a rhinoplasty. Because I know exactly what you’re thinking!

Getting to the point of finally getting cosmetic surgery takes years and is a decision that continuously weighs heavy on your mind. There’s usually at least a few years (or maybe a decade) of heavy criticism of a body part, followed by another several years of entertaining the idea of cosmetic surgery, followed by several years of saying that you’re going to do it, followed by another year of “planning” on doing it but not taking action because you’re scared as f*ck about what might happen.

I know how tough it is to finally get to that place where you finally feel ready to go under the knife. I know exactly what you’re curious about and I know what you’re worried about! Because it’s me RIGHT NOW. You’re worried about the cost, how to choose the right doctor, if the result is going to turn out how you want it to, and the potential of getting botched! What if after everything the nose turns out WORSE than it was before??

So I guess you can view me as your guinea pig. I’m getting my rhinoplasty and I’ll be sharing every single detail. I’ll share the big things, the little things, the good things, the bad things, uncomfortable things, and the gross things. So that by the end of this series of posts, you’ll feel as if you lived the nose job WITH ME. And if you’re someone who wants to get one done as well, you’ll know what to expect.

5. “My friend Heather got a nose job.”

I have a friend of mine (who I’m not going to mention the name of because I don’t know if she would like that) who got a nose job a little over a year ago. Much like me, she was ALWAYS self-conscious about her nose. Every time she saw it in the mirror or took a photo she felt upset with what she saw looking back at her. To make it worse, she had been teased ruthlessly in school for having a bigger nose. For several years the boys in her school would call her a “surfboard” because she had a bigger nose and smaller boobs. So apparently, to those *ssholes, she resembled a surfboard. What followed was over a decade of feeling ugly in her skin and an absolute certainty that she would someday get a nose job.

She opened up to me about this on the phone one day and shared all of her insecurities about her nose and how she was starting to go to consultations for surgery. I talked with her throughout every stage of going through with the rhinoplasty and then, after months of speaking with her on the phone, I finally saw her in person. And her nose looked BEAUTIFUL. Most of the time I was with her I kept thinking how jealous I was that she had already gotten it done and how I couldn’t wait until the day I FINALLY could get my nose done too. 

You see, when you’re in your early 20’s, you don’t know tons of other people your age who have had plastic surgery – unless maybe you live in Beverly Hills. Or maybe you do know people who have had it, but they don’t ever talk about it. So it seems incredibly scary because you have nothing to compare it to. And maybe you’re like me and watched so many episodes of “Botched” that you thought plastic surgery could virtually only turn out a disaster.

Seeing a friend of mine actually go through the same surgery I wanted, share her experience with me, and tell me the icky details of recovery is what finally made me start looking for my surgeon. From what I saw, she was very brave throughout the entire process and never doubted that it was going to turn out great. Until I saw someone else go through it, I was way too scared to take the first step. 

Knowing that a friend of mine had rhinoplasty that turned out gorgeous and didn’t cause a horrendous recovery is what finally made me feel comfortable about getting it done FOR REAL. 

I want to be that friend for you! So that all of you other women who are reading this can relax and tell yourself,

“If Heather can do it, I can do it.”

6. The WHY of it All

At this point, if you’re still reading, you’re probably still wondering, WHY?! Why am I getting my nose done in the first place? I’m sure none of you have noticed anything offensive about my nose, so you want to know what the point is of even going through this in the first place.

Well, it all started back in high school (as it usually does). When you’re a teenager, you’re already super aware and self-conscious of how you look. On top of that, when I was in high school and college, that’s when the whole “contouring” trend started. So I naturally decided to do it. But funnily enough, it just didn’t work on my nose. All those cute little contouring tricks were useless. My nose still looked big no matter what I did. 

Fast forward to four years ago, when I moved to Florida, I started modeling – something that I’ve always wanted to. I was so excited about this new hobby of mine and loved doing collabs. I was finally capturing those gorgeous Instagram pictures that I always dreamed of. That part of the whole thing made me feel confident, but it was only two photoshoots into my modeling when I noticed something about myself that I hadn’t seen before.

For the first time in my life, I was seeing photos captured of my nose from every single angle, and I DID NOT like what I saw. Four years later and about 100 photoshoots later, I’ve become extremely familiar with my nose and its angles. I can now tell you EVERYTHING that I hate about it. Let’s dig in…

My biggest issue with my nose is that looks big from the profile view. Whenever I turn to my side, it’s obvious that my nose sticks out more than it should. What’s even less attractive to me than that, is the way that it looks whenever I turn my face slightly to the side. Whenever my face is turned 45 degrees there are three obvious bumps which the light always catches and casts shadows on, further accentuating the flaws. Next is the top of my nose closer to my eyebrows, where the cartilage is a bit wider than it should be. My nostrils are also too big and not symmetrical.

Up next on the list of things I dislike about my nose, is the tip of my nose. The tip of my nose is bigger than I would have liked and far too round to me. Of course, it looks even bigger whenever I smile, which then makes me self-conscious about how I look when I smile! But the final thing that really irritates me about my nose, is that my cartilage came out too far at the tip. This means that whenever I smile, my skin on my nose would sort of pull down and the cartilage would stick out. Every single time this happens it casts a shadow on the tip of my nose, which also means that every time I’m photographed, so is this little shadow. I could still go on and on about things that I hate about my nose, but I won’t bore you with all of it.

With each passing year, I have become more and more self-conscious about my nose. It’s just one of those things where every single time I have looked in the mirror since I was 18, I would always think about how I hated it. Not one single time that I’ve looked in the mirror in the last 6 years have I felt beautiful and NOT thought about my nose. It’s been on my mind every single day.

Eventually, once the day came when I finally started to share with people that I wanted a nose job, I was surprised by the responses I received. I thought more people would say something along the lines of:  “NO!” “You don’t need it!” “You’re beautiful!” “Don’t get plastic surgery!” 

But actually the responses I heard were:

“Well… your nose isn’t THAT bad.”

“You don’t NEED plastic surgery. That’s dumb.”

“It’s not bad ENOUGH for you to need to get plastic surgery.”

“I mean, yeah. It’s big, but like I wouldn’t actually get plastic surgery though…”

“It’s big, but it’s not like HUGE. You really only notice it from the profile.”

UMMMMM OK. Let’s take a minute to reflect on those lovely, comforting quotes I heard from friends over the last year. I’m a young woman. I don’t want to hear people say to me that I’m “not that bad.” News flash: being “not that bad” is NOT a compliment. It’s actually an insult. I don’t want to be “not that bad.” I would like to be “beautiful.” I don’t want my nose to be “big,” but not “huge.” I want it to be normal. I don’t want to hear that it’s “not bad ENOUGH.”

Once I realized that it wasn’t just me who noticed that I had a big nose, I had officially made up my mind that I was going to get a nose job in 2019 or 2020.

7. Coming Clean

I remember when I told a few of my friends over the phone that I had decided to get my nose done, I noticed that they would immediately go to my Instagram account and look at photos of me to try to understand what I was talking about. Whenever that happened, they didn’t understand why on earth I would want a nose job. My nose looks great in all of my photos! And if you’re reading this post, maybe you’ve gone back to examine my face in my photos too. 

Or, maybe you haven’t met me in person and you’re a reader or follower of mine online, looking at photos of me. You’re probably thinking that my nose looks fine! There’s nothing wrong with it. Maybe you don’t think it’s big at all. The truth is, my nose is a perfect example of “Instagram vs. Reality.”

Just to warn you, I’m about to get deep with you for a minute…

I created this website, Lost Online because I was sick of trying to pretend to be something that I wasn’t. I was sick of pretending to be perfect. And sick of living for my online persona. I was sick of the bullshit, the filters, the smiling happy faces and picture-perfect moments when I know that behind what people post on Instagram there were heartbreaks, very real traumas, insecurities, sadness, loneliness – all of that. Even though I know that we do all have wonderful moments in our lives that are beautiful and cherished, most of what my generation has shared online since we first started posting, publishing, and tweeting, has been in an effort to look cool and to impress other people.

So that’s why I made this little online space of my own – to get away from all of that. And I made a promise to myself that I would always be disgustingly transparent with you. That even though I might do photoshoots, and wear makeup, and create beautiful Instagram photos for the sheer fun of it – I will always be transparent about the nitty-gritty details that happen between those moments we deem worthy enough to post.

And that is why I’m sharing with you one detail that I thought I would take to my grave. One detail that I was horrendously embarrassed to admit for years. But I know I would never forgive myself and never be 100% honest with you if I didn’t share this:

For the last several years, every single photo that I’ve shared of me … I’ve photoshopped my nose. I made it smaller, I smoothed out the bumps on the top of it, and I edited out the cartilage that would cast an unattractive shadow on the tip of my nose whenever I smiled. I was so self-conscious, so embarrassed, so uncomfortable with how it looked that I would always make an effort to make my nose look different before I shared anything online.

Even now as I’m scrolling through all my old photos looking for examples of unattractive and unflattering angles of my nose to show you, I can’t find any to show you. I instantly deleted all of them the moment I noticed how “ugly” they were.

So this is me, coming clean about my biggest secret. I feel embarrassed for finally owning up to it, but I was one of the many young women who was deeply affected by what I saw online and took to heart what I “should” look like as a woman in order to be worthy of love and affection. I know that there are many people out there who struggle with MUCH worse things in life than feeling insecure about their nose, but my goodness, I can’t wait to finally be able to see myself in the mirror or a photo and not have my mind flooded with such negative thoughts about a part of my body.

I’m sharing this with you not only because I feel like it’s the right thing to do, but also to serve as a reminder that we all have our sh*t. We all have our insecurities. We all go through things that other people don’t know about. So if your story is like mine, don’t be afraid to get plastic surgery. It’s incredibly unhealthy to hate a part of yourself this much. Do what you have to do to feel comfortable and confident in your skin. And also, if you’re someone who’s adimitaly against plastic surgery, please have some compassion. If a simple one-and-a-half hour procedure is enough to give someone the confidence to look at themselves in the mirror and finally feel beautiful, then let them have that!

There you have it

That is why I’m getting rhinoplasty and why I’ve decided to share this with virtually everyone I know! Yikes. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so vulnerable and nervous about a post as I am about this one today! But I know that it will all be worth it. Just like my microblading posts, I know that there are a few people who will find the upcoming posts very helpful and informative. 

It should be an interesting few weeks! Keep your eyes peeled for the next posts, they’re about to get real.

As always, let me know what you think in the comments! POSITIVE VIBES ONLY PLEASE. Have you gotten plastic surgery before? Did you get rhinoplasty? Do you want one? What are your thoughts about taking the leap and doing it? Did you relate to anything that I shared above? What are you looking forward to learning or seeing in the next posts?

If you like what you read here, remember to go down to the bottom of the page, click that “+” symbol, and type in your email where it says “follow blog via email.” You’ll have all future blog posts sent right to you! Thanks for coming to Lost Online! 

Photos by Ray Reyes @rocketsciencephoto.